The Worst Fanfic Ever Writen
by calicoskies4ever
Summary: A crossover between House MD and Superman. This is my atempt to write the worst fanfic of all time. Suggestions would be lovely. No flames please.
1. Chapter 1

Author's note: I am intentionally writing the worst fan fiction story of all time. Please send me messages on how to make this worse.

Summery: When Superman falls ill there is only one man on the planet who might be capable of helping him, but is Dr. House up to the challenge? Is he even interested? So, here goes nothing. AU, crossover, OOC, and every other label available. No slash though. Hmmm. Wonder if I could do something about that.

"This just isn't happening. I mean, they don't expect. I can't. Nobody really thinks that I—help me out here please." Dr. Gregory House stuttered.

"Well, you say you're the best, so why not try it out? Seriously what's the worst thing that could happen?" Dr. James Wilson responded with a cheeky smile.

"Having to deal with Human patients is bad enough, but I can do that. I know whatever there is that I need to know in order to do it, but this. This is very different. He's different. I don't know the first thing about him." Dr. House limped back to his desk and picked up his Gameboy. He sat down and switched it on.

"I think that's why Cuddy told you to take a history. That would be the first step in treating any patient. Just go in there and talk to him." Dr. Wilson shifted his position, so that his eyes were looking to the door.

"This is insane. I'm not going to be Superman's doctor. There are at least a million things wrong with this situation." House ignored him. He'd discovered after many years that this was the best way to deal with his friend.

"Nobody has any idea what to do with this. You're not exactly the kind of doctor he would choose. But he's desperate. And nobody else knows what to do."

"It would certainly be something, wouldn't it? I mean, even if he does die, it would still really be something. To get to work on a puzzle of this difficulty. I just—how exactly are we supposed to take blood samples from this guy?"

"As of right now that's not an issue. His body seems to be weakened enough by the—whatever this is—that we have been able to take some blood. Unfortunately . . ." House cut him off.

"The results are inconclusive. He's not human and therefore all he signs we look for in human illness mean absolutely nothing. Right?" Wilson nodded. Days like this, House wished he'd stayed at home instead of coming into work. This really was going to be something. At least he had that to look forward to. House stood up and limped out of his office and towards the patient's room.

"You're going to talk to him? You're actually going to have a conversation with him? This I have to see." Dr. Wilson could remember the last time that House had done something to actually amaze him. He was often disgusted, surprised, angered, but almost never amazed. He followed his friend into the hallway and watched as he entered the hospital room. There was a bed, with a fairly normal looking patient, that is if you consider an alien dressed in brightly colored tights normal.


	2. Chapter 2

After being told that I needed to make spelling, grammar and formatting mistakes to make this the worst fic ever I will stop running spell check. You asked for it Sucker.

Superman sat up in bed weakly as the door to his hospital room slid open. Two men entered is room. One wa a man he already knew. This was Dr. Wilson, who had treated Superman previously, or rather didn't reat him, since he wasn't abel to find anything. The man Dr. Wilson was following was not like anyone Superman had ever seen. He wa wearing a gold pin wit hthe words. Dr. House engraved on it, but this man did not look like a doctor. He was dressedin jeans, sneakers, and a t-shirt. He was probably the only doctor in the hospital, besides the administrative staff, who wasn't wearing a lab coat. He walked, or rather limped, with a cane and his face was unshaven and dirty. There was just something about him that Superman didn't trust. A quick skan with his x-ray vision showed Superman that the man had a walled with twenty five dollars and a drivers liance for a man named Gregory Houise who looked just like the so called doctor, and a bottle of Vicodian also perscirbed to the same man. Superman couldn't help but wonder what business, if any, this man had being a doctor. The man limped over to his bedside looking at the chart.

"Is it true that you can see through anything?" Dr. House asked.

"Pretty much, yeah. Why do you ask? Does this really have anything to do with my condition?"

"Nope, just wondering. Sy how many figers am I holding up?" The man asked, putting a hand behind his back. Superman felt himself smile despite he situation.

"Hosue," Dr. Wilson growled from the door. "Hey cut that out." Superman x-rayed. The so-called doctor was giving him the finger.

"Be careful where you point that thing," Superman warned. It was pretty much the only thing he could think of. He decided he must be hallucinating. House nodded.

"So um, it says here your name is. . . Ka—ka—Ca—I'm sorry," the 'doctor' asked. Superman wasn't sure if he was joking or not. "Geeze what language is that?"

"Kryptonian. I'm pretty much the only one left. It's pronucned Kal-el."

"Yeah, whatever. It's not really that important. SO what do we have here. Mmhmm.I'm a little confused by all of the stuff in this chart it looks like a monkey took this down. Why don't you just tell me what your symptoms are."

"I think I have a fever. It's hard to be sure because my body runs quiet a bit warmer than yours—human's—and so you cant really test it but I feel like I'm warmer than usual. Headaches, eakness, a lot of weakness actually. Chills, Nausa," Superman's list ticked on, House saw that it was all in the chart but to be perfectly honest (ha) he just wanted to see how this Superman person would describe himself.

"Right, yeah. Your previous medical history is completely empty? Are you telling g me that you've never had so much as a cold in your whole life? What are you hiding?"

"Actually," Superman said with a cough, not a fake one but actually coughing. "I've never been sick a day in my life-not on Earth anyway. Anything that happened before that pretty much—went up in smoke." Dr. Wilson stepped forward.

"If you're finished grilling this paitent, I think you've got all the pertent information," he said dragging Dr. House out of the room by the arm. Once in the hall Wilson and House engaged each other in a stareing contest.

"What was that for," House grumbled. "I was interviewing my newest patinet."

"You were treating him like a criminal. He's dying. The man doesn't need that kind of stress right now."

"I don't trust him," House stated mater-o-factly. "He's just too good. He's got to be up to something."

"Right," Wilson said with a chuckle. "He cant possibly be a good person, or someone who cares about others?"

"Anyway, I have no idea what's wrong with the guy. What did you expect, huh? Alright, I'll take it to the team, but I don't think we're going to come up with much. For all we know its some Craptoian illness."


End file.
